I've come to understand that most of us intuitively know what is best for our bodies and how to lose weight but we are standing in our own way. 

Yes, learning more about our health supports us and is an important part of our health journey, but for most of the patterns that keep us unhealthy, we know what they are, we just haven’t learnt how to change them yet. 

The question is; why do we keep doing the things that keep us stuck and feeling bad? 

Basically we are running on empty - physically, mentally and emotionally. We just don't have capacity to do the things we know work; eat nourishing food, move our bodies and prioritise ourselves. 

Our body’s executive centre is offline because all our energy is going elsewhere. 

We spend a huge amount of our energy trying to be the person we think we need to be. We’re dealing with the stress of motherhood that most of the time entails lack of sleep and wearing multiple hats. 

Mum, career or business owner, wife, housekeeper, cook, caring for the people they love, and contributing to the community. 

The expectations we put on ourselves as women in todays world is just unrealistic and impossible to live up to.

It means we are in a state of constant fight or flight, sometimes for years. 

And on top of that, most women are operating in a state of not enoughness. Feeling like they are constantly falling short. 

The result is elevated levels of stress hormones cortisol and adrenalin. 

Elevated stress hormones not only inhibit weight loss, they make us crave easily accessible energy...sugar!

We berate ourselves for our choices but when we're in this state of overwhelm and not making conscious decisions, our relationship with food simply falls into habitual patterns. 

Here are the 3 main self destructive patterns I see play out for women: 

1. Numbing out on food.

We are eating without thinking as we run around being all the things and doing all the things. Food solves a problem, it distracts us from the feelings of unworthiness, but this is a hole no amount of food will fill, so its relief is momentary. 

2. Under-eating and then having blowouts.

We pendulum between control and out of control.  And when we feel we’ve lost control, guilt kicks in and we might continue eating to deal with the negative feelings (numbing), or we regain control and start the cycle again. This might look like being in control all week and then bingeing on food and alcohol on the weekend. Or pushing through the day until something triggers us, like giving in to a craving mid afternoon, a social event, or something uncomfortable like confrontation or being late.

Weight loss and balance can co-exist but generally these triggers end up with us feeling like we’ve ruined the day anyway and so we continue to eat. 

3. Not caring about food. We act like we've surrendered to food and that we don't care, and although it seems to have lost its control over us,  there is still negativity underlying the indulgence, the feelings of not enoughness is still there. 

This relationship can appear healthier, but I rarely see women eating freely and 100% owning their decisions regarding where their health is at, physical, mental and emotional (because our nutrition impacts each of these). 

What I hear comes along with this is self-deprecating remarks and never truly enjoying the moments of indulgence.  

The thing is, food will always play a major part of our life, it can be an amazing source of pleasure and our body literally needs fuel to thrive. 

We can eat, be satisfied, enjoy food and be also healthy but most of the time, these patterns dictate our behaviour. 

And the body bears the consequences because these patterns don’t support our metabolism (our metabolism can be seen as how efficiently our body is operating). 

This might look like an increase in body fat, decrease in energy, poor sleep, digestive issues, difficulty losing weight and other health issues. 

All of which add to the negativity that we feel towards ourselves. This is a pretty grim picture and sadly where so many mums are at. 

I felt myself here after I had my first son. Before bub I cycled between under-eating and overeating and when I was pregnant I numbed out on food. 

After bub I made the decision to start working on my relationship with food and my first approach was to investigate why I felt so unworthy. 

I think this exploration, one of self awareness, healing and therapy, is incredibly important and I encourage all women to learn about themselves and their triggers. 

But this exploration is a mind down approach. 

What I mean by this is that once you start trying to figure out why you have the problems you do, it can become a never ending rabbit hole. 

I've learnt over time that I'm not unique in having childhood trauma, awkward and uncomfortable teenage years and a traumatic experience being a first time mum. 

And I'm yet to meet a mum who hasn't experienced some type of post-natal depression in her motherhood journey.  

Hopefully as you read this some cogs are turning into place and it's making more sense why you've found this journey hard. 

This opens up a space for self-compassion and to start looking at how you can support yourself to finally shift these behaviours. 

After I had my second bub, I was burnt out. Despite all  the internal work I was still struggling and I realised that to actually shift my behaviours and relationship with food, I needed a body up approach. 

This means focusing on what our body needs, which I guarantee in every case, is more down time to self care, rest, play, experience pleasure and regulate our nervous system. 

As well as a shift in our perspective. We need to let go of the expectations we have on ourselves, we are not able to be and do all the things. And we don’t need to be, it is only us who have created this expectation. When this reality sinks in, it's as if a weight has been lifted off our shoulders. 

Another practice that helps us regulate is anchoring into gratitude for the life we have. When we are focused on what we are grateful for, we are not focused on all the things that create stress. We relax and welcome in positive energy.  

These are practices. They might make sense logically but we need to make room for them in our life, we need to make ourselves a priority. 

Because when we are regulated, our body's executive centre comes back on-line, we don’t use food to cope or numb, and we are able to make better, grounded decisions that we know are best for our body. 

Choosing something fresh instead of packaged food or take away, stopping eating when we've had enough, not numbing out on food, binge eating or abusing alcohol. 

We feel motivated to move because our body loves movement, we just often don't have capacity. 

Our stress hormones balance as we move out of fight or flight. 

We digest food better, we burn body fat instead of craving sugar and our body is able to heal in this state.

Our body responds with vibrant health. 

The solution is so simple that I believe our mind rejects it. 

To shift our behaviour, we need to slow down, regulate, allow ourselves to play, rest, experience pleasure and focus on gratitude. 

This is coming home to the body and how we reclaim our health.